my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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