vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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