My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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