I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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