Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
