There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
