you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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