WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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