Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
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His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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