Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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