hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize