I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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