I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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