Yo dont text me then not text me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
