I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
