anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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