nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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