a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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