Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
