it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
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