I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
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