it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
