so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Did I show you my penis last night?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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