I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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