i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
