i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
