Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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