I think I am morally bankrupt
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
