I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize