So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
