he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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