remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
