Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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