I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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