Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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