is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
