I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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