it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize