and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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