Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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