How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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