Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
