Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
