Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
