I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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