she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
