The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
