I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
