I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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