I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
