Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
