Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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