come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
