Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
