the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
