When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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