Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
