I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
