I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
