No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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