Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize