I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
