you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
