Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
