I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
