Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
