I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
