1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
