I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
