my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
