....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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