Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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