This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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