Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
