I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
