Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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