ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
