It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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